i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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