its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
