Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
