is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
