ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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