it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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