Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize