how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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