so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
