I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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