Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
