Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
