I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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