My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
