You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize