..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
