Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
