I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
