I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
