so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
