I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
