Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
