did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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