They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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