the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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