Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
