I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
