She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
