you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
