My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
