She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
