two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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