I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
too bad you live with your parents still
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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