I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize