No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
