I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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