Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
