Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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