I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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