Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
