The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
