She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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