So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
