her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
