just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
