I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
