When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize