I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
