You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
