Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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