i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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