I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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