I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
