remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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