he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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