As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
