my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
should my penis look like a turkey
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
