So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
