Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
