just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
