just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize