But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
