My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
