She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
