new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
