areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
