she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
