Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
