Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
