the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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