Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
