yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
