I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
