please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
