Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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