The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize